"Have a Kid Later in Life", They Said!

There have been several articles that suggest that women are having babies later in life. That seems great, right? Having a child later in life might mean you have more of a chance to chase your dreams and enjoy success. Your struggle to achieve those dreams may be easier. You might be better prepared if you wait. There are so many things that might happen if you wait to have a child later in life. Who knows what will really happen?

I'll be 29 this year and have no children. It isn't because I don't love children, I absolutely do. I have no children for several reasons. I am a planner and I had a plan for my life. My plan was go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, and have children. So boring, right? That's me! Wait, there's more! I wanted to be married for at least two years before having children. When I was a child, I thought 28 would be a good age to have a child. I achieved all of my prerequisites for having a child, but then I decided to plan around the school year. The window was open to attempt to conceive, but I got cold feet. Numerous questions were running through my mind. Could we afford daycare and all of our other bills with our salaries? Was I prepared for the challenges that would come? Were we mature enough? Are we strong enough in our marriage to bring a child into our lives? My many thoughts interfered with the conception window. I waited too long and the window closed.

After we did not conceive, I felt thankful. The lives of people around us were changing rapidly. It was looking like we'd be called upon to raise my nieces or at least one of them. Knowing that we might be taking on a one year old and a five year old terrified me. I thanked God that we did not conceive because I couldn't imagine raising three children. Of course, it is possible, but I was not up to the challenge! We are not taking care of my nieces and still childless.

So here I sit without kids. Almost all of my friends have kids and many of them are on their second. I love my friends. Most of them are just as awesome now that they have kids, but some have become self righteous. Now maybe I think this because I'm bitter or maybe they really are self righteous! Anyway, I don't hang out with any of them all too often. We have less in common now which is obvious and natural. Some people take this as you were never a good friend if you come around less after a child. It's a natural life progression. When you get married, you hang out less with single people and no one gets offended by that! I'm the friend who will go to Chuck E. Cheese with a friend and their kids or go to the park and play with the kids. I get that life changes after kids and that's fine, but that goes both ways. Some will talk about their kids all darn day and I can only sit for so long.

Being in my age bracket surrounds me with children. I teach. Guess what most of the teachers have in common? Children! Waiting to have children has kind of left me on the outside. I don't go many places that will allow me to meet other married women that don't have children. No one ever told me that waiting would make me feel this way. They never said people would think you're miserable because you don't want to spend all of your time with them and their kids. I didn't know I would find myself sad over the lack of time I spend outside of my house. There wasn't anyone to say that mothers would look down on me thinking I had no knowledge of children. I wasn't aware of how many times I would hear, "It's not the same as having your own."

This too shall pass.